Undeath to Life

Funnies 2/12/11

Andy: You can walk there.
Vanessa: F*** I’m a fat white woman! I don’t walk!

Andy: This is my and Maria’s stash of cookies!
Vanessa: I want cookies!
Sara stands: Let’s go get some!
Vanessa: For real?
Sara: Yeah! Both leave
Andy: They really wanted to stick it to me…
Later Andy: I’m going to stick it to them! Gets small bags of Oreos and puts them on their books
Later still Sara: Where did these Oreos come from?!!?

Vanessa: Andy, I’ve never seen anyone be so angry about being given Oreos.

Andy: Can the man watch over us while we sleep?
Sara: He’ll watch over YOU….
Ryan: You don’t want to sleep where the man can watch over you.
TJ: You’ll end up pregnant.
Ryan: Well, that too.

Sara: I had oreo cookies all along the crumb of my tummy.

Vanessa to Sara: Is it hard for you, Anorexic Annie, to have a whole stream of nutrition?

Sara: I thought you said Vanessa ate you!

Sara: I slept with a woman for three days!
Silence

Ryan: Can I get a lip ring that ticks?
Gina: You can implant a clock in your face.
Ryan: That would be useful.

Gina: We go up the stairs. Does anything jump out and eat us?
Ryan: Yes. A horde of rabid Chihuahuas.
Gina: Let’s do it!
Ryan: They eat you and everyone dies.
Andy: Knowledge (local)! They are from Beverly Hills!

TJ: That’s because we’re men. We know where north is.
Sara: Are you calling Gina a man?
TJ grins

Gina: Can we have a moment of silence while I write all this down? Don’t say anything funny!

Ryan: Well that was the shortest round of the penis game I’ve ever played.

Andy: I will defend Maria’s honor as much as is convenient to me.

Vanessa: I am wearing my new bra today. I like it because it keeps my boobs where they should be instead of where they are.

Vanessa: You can have an army of goblins that you take into shops so you get really good deals to get you to leave.

Ryan coughs
Sara: Did you just choke?
Ryan: No.
Vanessa: Did you just make a kitten?
Sara shock

TJ: I don’t have a desire to take the rubies for some reason.
Sara: It’s because you watched Aladdin as a child.

Gina: I can give you this bottle in a minute to use as a weapon.
Andy: No. I want to walk barefoot in this room.
Vanessa: What if I do it outside?
Andy: I want to walk barefoot out there too.
Ryan: What if we go to your neighbor’s yard?
Andy: Shit I don’t care about their children.

Andy: Seven plus f***ing magic.

Andy: I carry a halfling everywhere in the form of a tower shield.
TJ: It has about as much personality as a halfling, too!
Andy pointing at Sara : She’s gong to hit you now with f***ing magic.
Sara: I’m going to miss on purpose next round.

Andy: You sub for her?
Ryan: Yeah.
Andy: You have musical talent?
Sara: No, he doesn’t.
Ryan: EXCUSE ME!!!!

Gina: You can’t hit something without looking!
Sara: Arguable! Pin the tail on the f***ing donkey!

Sara: You can see something without looking at it!
Ryan: Uhhhhh no.

Ryan: Sara, what’s your greatest achievement?
Sara: Getting my puppy!
Andy: Congratulations, you just had an extremely infantile moment.

Sara: It’s her best friend! Except for Gina! … Gina’s kinda like a puppy!

Andy: Let’s take the mirror with us and show it to all intelligent beings.
Vanessa: A random highway man- “Give us all your money!” “Or what?” “This!” shows mirror

Andy: We’d have to sit around regaling each other with stories.
Gina: I can dance for you all.
Sara: You can dance if you want to.

Andy: Detect magic!
Ryan: Every f***ing thing in here is magic!
Sara: Even my dog?
silence
Vanessa: No, but my dick is glowing like a lighthouse.

Vanessa: You know what I saw that f***s up my diplomacy? “You’re pretty for a human, but you’d look better with a beard!”
Later Vanessa: After that, I take back what I said!

Gina: I give him the potion.
Ryan: Inflict Moderate Wounds.
Andy: I’m dead!!
Gina: Well, if I wasn’t emo before, I certainly am now.

TJ to Gina : Is your last name Custer?

Ryan: Come on, guys, where are the 20s??
Sara: Ryan, what table have you been at for months?

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